Tag: food

The Bougie Baby

Nine months ago, I had a baby. I never thought I would have a baby, so when it actually happened I was pretty surprised. Not just surprised by the whole “oh wow, my vagina is ripped to pieces” but also the “oh, I own this thing now, and if something happens it’s my fault.” I’ve had a dog for a while, which I thought was pretty similar, but it turns out that it is not. This is especially true right now, as I listen to my baby sob over our heat-sensing baby monitor, and my dog lays calmly at...

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Wheatgrass and American Cheese

Mattel, the maker of Barbie, recently announced a new line of body types for its dolls. Adding curvy, petite, and tall versions of the hollow-eyed minx, the decision by the 71-year-old toy company was a sure sign that the tide is turning (oh so goddamn SLOWLY) away from the idea of a perfect female form. So. Since we’ve got that problem all sewn up, let’s take a look at what else the universe has in its bag o’ tricks for the ladyfolk. [Shuffles hand around in duffel bag] Reproductive rights? Nah, those are pretty much gone anyway. Equal pay?...

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