The Bougie Baby

Nine months ago, I had a baby. I never thought I would have a baby, so when it actually happened I was pretty surprised. Not just surprised by the whole “oh wow, my vagina is ripped to pieces” but also the “oh, I own this thing now, and if something happens it’s my fault.” I’ve had a dog for a while, which I thought was pretty similar, but it turns out that it is not. This is especially true right now, as I listen to my baby sob over our heat-sensing baby monitor, and my dog lays calmly at...

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