Category: Ponder

Meeting My New Self (And Plenty of Others Too)

On a group chat with my friends last week, one of the most bad-ass single ladies I know gave us the latest on her adventures in the New York dating scene: “I had a first date last night and when I joked about mansplaining, he said “I don’t know what that is and my friends told me I don’t need to” and I was like CHECK PLEASE.” As we all chimed in with our virtual high fives and patriarchy-smashing gifs, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit like a fraud. I had been on a date that night,...

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New Column: Tell Me Something Graceless

Hello my loves, and welcome to Tell Me Something Graceless. I’m Ada (after Ada Lovelace, the OG computer programmer/coding badass/feminist icon of the 1840s)…and I’m here to tell you what to do. You can think of me as Dear Abby, but with a foul mouth, full bed, and decidedly feminist approach to life’s toughest questions. I’m here to dole out advice, not because I’m living a perfect life myself, but because I possess the alchemical formula of two parts arrogance/one part platform that allows me to do something as cavalier as write an advice column on the internet. Now...

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What I Did On My Summer Vacation

“‘Dear God,’ she prayed, ‘let me be something every minute of every hour of my life.’” ~A Tree Grows in Brooklyn There’s a reminder in my Gmail that has waited there since I created it in June. It’s one little phrase – “lost between Joni Mitchell and Courtney Love” – intended as a writing prompt. I’ve lost the narrative but the general idea is still there. It was likely meant to paint a picture of the weird stasis of feminist heroines for women my age. Though the 80s saw power suits and shoulder pads in offices, the uniform didn’t necessarily...

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The Art of Being Alone Part 2: Welcome to Singledom

If you read my last article for Graceless, you know all about how psyched I was to move in on my own last fall. To recap, I’d been in a relationship for three and a half years, and rather than taking the normal-person next step of moving in together, I decided that I was way too young for cohabitation and wanted to live alone first. Six months later, I’m still absolutely thrilled with that decision. Except…surprise, surprise, now I’m not just living alone—I’m single. I’ve waffled about whether to write this follow-up for some time. I’m not usually the...

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Time Takes A Cigarette

Like many people with souls, I was greatly saddened by the news of David Bowie’s death. For a few days I posted his songs on my Facebook, made him the soundtrack to my daily tasks and re-watched some of the movies and videos that either starred him or were about him. Labyrinth was among them, of course. As for many girls in my generation, the Goblin King was integral to my sexual awakening. I still think Jareth is one of the most attractive characters of all time. He was just so confident, so sexy, so oozily masculine in a...

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